July 12th is when I leave my sister is doing all she can to leave my the 9th to go up and get some things taken care of. Which is fine, its just going to be three days of absolute boredum. I mean I know they are going back to get me but I worry so much, if I didn’t have anything to worry about I’d worry about the nothing to worry about. My anxiety is through the roof, of course I’ve been not taking the ablify because I keep forgetting to take it at night…. so tonight I am going to take it. for sure.
Plans change, I’m still moving, but a friend of mine needed me this weekend so I went down to visit for awhile. Which was nice because I really needed it. To say goodbye and what not. I am so excited about this move!
I really like the simplicty of this layout. I don’t know why but I do. I’d love to have someone make me a theme that is based in Wicca. That would so totally rock.I have a massive headache.
4 effing days.
June 21, 2008
Count them FOUR! I have four days to relearn everything I should remember from high school and my other college courses. I mean I know that I know them but tis the fact that I forget a lot because of stress etc. So now I am studying and have been since 3. Crap.
I have something I want to rant about a little bit but I’m unsure of how to do it. See I came across this one post on a site that I’m on and it was talking about bipolar being a new trend. I have had plenty of experience with this. However that’s not what I wanted to rant about. What I wanted to rant about (and its not even a rant I’m not pissed off) is that she mentioned practicing witchcraft.
Witchcraft in the form of Wicca or even broader practices is based on balance. (I’m talking from a Wiccan point of view here) the very basis of the rede says “And it harm none do what thou wilt.” These means that you should be taking care of yourself, taking your meds, etc. You can do anything as long as it doesn’t directly or indirectly hurt anyone or anything, this is even talking about forcing your will upon someone through spell work. I mentioned that I struggle with this daily because I hate taking my meds, I really am in a place right now where I could care less what I look like or even if I am taking care of myself. It’s been a year since I last cut (Yes I am a self injurer) and I’m doing pretty good at the whole trigger issue. I’m in counseling, I’m in support groups online.
What I don’t understand is why this person would mention religion as apart of bipolar. Ok they explained that its their own personal experiences and that’s fine. I’ve come across a few fluff bunnies myself. Its called reading a book. I know that its hard in this day and age if your really busy to sit down and read a religious or any other worth while text. But when it comes right down to it that’s what you need to be doing.
I am talking to myself just as much as anyone else that share’s my disorder. I should be mediating 15 minutes a day, I should be taking my medication, I should be taking care of myself. And above all I should get my act together which I think I just drove the final nail into my proverbial bad mood into wanting to become better. My sister for example has been on this kick about taking care of herself and being more religious and everything else would fall into place. At first I rolled my eyes and thought that she was insane, I mean not the religious part, but letting go of that control over her life to just work on the very basics of life. I should have been doing that for a long time, but I’m stubborn. No really. I’m a hardass when it comes to taking care of myself because I could frankly care less.
I’ve been thinking for a long time about doing a confidence spell and a self esteem spell, nothing to change myself completely just something to help me change myself in the areas that need change. I know I’m rambling a little bit but I just have to get this off my chest.
I know that I’ve made mistakes in the past, I’m human after all, and I’m just now learning that being human isn’t a bad thing. Its imperfect yes, but that’s alright, its my imperfections that make me who I am. I’m getting to the point where I could care less of what other people think of me. Its me that I need to work on.
See for a very long time I have been in denial about a lot of things. I have been in denial that I have mental health issues, I’ve been in denial about just about everything. (still in denial about the whole alcohol thing. I don’t drink that much, if at all when I’m home, and I can’t drink in my own apartment, plus I have no desire to drink.) Anyways, I just am starting with the basics. Working my way up to something bigger. I think I am first going to get started on my religion and then work it up from there. Because lets face it if I’m struggling with the very core of what I hold dear then how am I going to work on myself? I wouldn’t be able to because I’d be working on the shell and not the core.
And my cat is spazzing out. I know random ADD moment, but she is. And its cute as hell.
OOOOH, last night my mom got those FUN DIPS that kids like so much (its a candy stick that you lick and dip into colored, flavored sugar) Well my sister got like 5 of the sugar packets mixed them up and ate nearly all of it till mom dropped the container on the floor. She pouted at that one. But she was so funny, her eyes went all small and she was spazing out. If you’ve ever watched happy tree friends then she was 
this one. The one that bounces up and down after eating sugar. Her eyes got all sparkly and everything it was funny as hell. Then Richie started doing the whole Peanut impression. If you don’t know who peanut is WATCH JEFF DUNHAM. He is funny as hell. No lie. 
<— That’s peanut. He’s adorable. He does peanut foo… he can’t do kung foo because you need two arms and the other one is kind of fucked up. bwahaha.
Poor Sami, her foot is still messed up and the doctors aren’t calling with the results of the MRI. She already had to miss camp because of her ankle. Buuuut now she gets to spend an extra week with ME. I love my sisters.
I am so bored. I should be reading this fanfiction that I’ve been reading the past couple of days. And I still have a book to finish. Plus I’m working now (well not really work) but just the same that I am working.
I also need to work on my writing, the fanfiction that I’m working on just to make my writing a little bit better.
YAY for girl time, I have a hand that looks like a rainbow, and a friend with awesome eyes, so YAY!
I went to the pool today, just starting to peel and tan and get over my icky-ness of my sun burn and … yep got sunburned again. Damn. Yup I had the time of my life, and guess what? I even put on sunscreen! I realize that I should stay out of the sun for awhile but but but IT WAS SWIMMING! I can’t say no to swimming!
I made a new banner for this layout but I dunno if I want to put it up, I’m going to go play around in adobe some more.
My sunburn, yep still hurts.
Went to a picnic today right? Of course right, anyways, it was by the river up from my town ( my town is full of factories that pollute the place) so the water was a bit more clean, and well I went wadeing, and it was so much fun!
Then I got to see a good friend of mine, one I’ve known for YEARS, and her boyfriend, her boyfriend and I have always been close (not that kind) and really good friends. Anyways, we were talking and they are coming to hang out tommorrow for awhile while he gets a tattoo worked on.
I have to go to bed semi early tonight because I am waking up and going to do a graduation banner for the step bro. Which is cool, I get to hang out with dad and Sami. He’s talking about going to an auction so yea…
I twisted my ankle getting into the car today, I think I might have fucked something up pretty seriously because it hurts. Is my ass going to the ER… nope. Its a sprain I’ll live.