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Last night … er the past few days I should say, I’ve felt run down. I’ve been so hungry which has been hard to deal with. However, I’ve been running around so much I woke up this morning very sick. I’ve been taking nyquil today. I asked for Dayquil… but dad messed up and I can’t complain. I just get to ride the high. (I only take 1 tsb when the does is 2 tsp for an adult… my body just can’t handle it.) I am trying to tuck myself into bed so I can recoup but I keep wanting to get up and clean. It sucks but whatever. Well off to bed I go!

There are times in my life that when I make a goal, I tell myself that you’re so going to do it… only to have life get in the way. That’s what’s been happening to me. I’ve been out living my life. I’ve been dancing, singing, celebrating and I love every moment of it.

Last Saturday for an early birthday celebration (Mine was yesterday.) S, B, and myself all went out to go to the bar, and dance. I was broke, beyond broke so I was the driver and just drank water. I got hit on several times which made me happy, and B threw a fit over some unknown whatever and we took her home, S and I went back to the bar and she had another drink and we danced, then went to the Dandy to get some hoagies, and I got a 12 inch to have for lunch the next day (6 inch that night, the rest in the am.) and a few of the guys from the bar were there. They complimented me and we talked for a bit. We said our good byes and left.

That week my professional make up brushes came ( a month late mind you.) and I’ve been doing make up for people since when we go out. Then about a week or so later the pigments came. They are beautiful. They came on Monday as did another refund check from the school which came in so handy. S and I went to get JD my cousin. And we pulled an all nighter just talking, watching movies and having fun. Then my new phone came in. A pink blackberry which is going to come to be useful to me. I also got my furniture and 40 inch flat screen TV. Had a few friends come over to spend my birthday with me and now I am so feeling the lack of sleep.

The Ipad, the newest tech toy from Apple is basically a Mac product that is completely touch screen, classified as a ‘tablet’ but in essence is just a huge ipod touch. You have access to all of the apps that Apple has to offer, as well as tons of books etc. Its light weight, good for a lot of educational needs- except I wouldn’t let my child take it to school as it is waaay to fragile. Ifreebee.co.uk is where you can get a free iPhone or free iPad just go to their website and read the blog entries. Apparently you can even get a Free iPhone which is something I think is worth looking into. Since I Iphone is one of the biggest product releases to date with lots of really awesome upgrades from 3S and 4.. 4S has Siri and is just better. Free iPad is also like a dream to me. I can’t afford an Ipad right now considering I just got new furniture, but if this website offers details on how to get them.. well I’m all for it.

Author: Elias Massey

My husband and I finally bought our own home. We have been married for six years and always thought we would have had a house many years ago. However, sometimes things don’t work out as planned. When we couldn’t get a loan, we rented an apartment, but that is all behind us now. We can’t wait for the excitement of owning a home. We have been able to choose which power company to use, which ExpertSatellite to install and even which gas company to use. We have made so many decisions in the past week that I am exhausted. I am still excited about each one, but tired from all the research and thinking. Sometimes all the little decisions overwhelm me. My husband tries to help, but he is clueless himself, so it is like the blind leading the blind. Move in day in next week and I am already counting down the days. We both are excited to finally own our home. Now the big decision is when do we start a family? I don’t think I am going to ask him that one until move in day is over.

Next Tuesday is my birthday and I can’t even have a cake. How uncool is that? Oh well its for the greater good. I think the down side of this is I feel like shit. But that’s besides the point. I’m on two shakes a day diet and I feel so weak its not even funny. I wonder if its because I haven’t upped my water intake? I dunno I do know that my head is killing me.

27… wow I can’t believe I’m that old already or will be in a matter of days. 3 years and I’ll be 30. WTF. I feel like I’ve wasted my 20′s on bullshit. But that’s alright I’ve had some damn good memories.
As an early birthday present to myself I got a couch and chair set. Brand new! So comfortable.

A school assignment for me is to write down 3 things that I am thankful for that day. I’m using my blog to pass this around, and to make it a more public, Thank you. I feel that this is important to proceed with the New Year’s change that everyone has in mind. I want to be more grateful, and while that is not a resolution (I believe that New Year’s resolutions are doomed to fail. The hype fades and then people’s motivation deflates.) Since I’m taking on rather large life changes. I want to make the personality changes that are going to apart of that change, the best I can. [1.Thus making me the best me, I can make.] So with out further ado:

1. Today I am grateful and amazing team of doctors that I’m working with in the bariactric department. I didn’t do as well in the weight loss department, in fact to be perfectly honest-thus holding myself accountable. This the holiday stress, the fact that my body has finally woken up and started it’s period again.  And I still got an I’m proud of you, lets work out how to fix this.

2. I’m grateful for old friends and new. I’ve reconnected with my friend S and he introduced me to B and through this friendship I’ve learned how nice it is to have true friends. And the amount of times I’ve completely lost it laughing is nuts. But nice.

3. I’m thankful for people that are willing to help out others. Today I was given a ride by someone who didn’t have to take me 2 hours away for my doctor’s/support group meeting. But they did.

As one of the conditions for the pdoc’s green light, I had to make an appointment with the local pdoc. Well today is the day. I’m up which sucks because for the first time in a long time I was actually sleeping really well.  Today is also the first day of a week long liquid fast. I am still at 319.3 and damnit I will loose those 8 lbs! I haven’t been as strict since like mid-December with my eating habits, well, I paid for it. I didn’t exactly over do it, but I didn’t make the wisest choices. So Slim Fast French Vanilla 3-2-1 shake for breakfast, I have the protein shot (which I’m terrified to take thanks to Jillian Michel’s whey protein shakes gross.) and a shake for lunch, and dinner. The only way I would deviate from this plan, is if like tomorrow, I am going to have to be out and about all day. (Another doctor’s appointment, then going to see my sister and mother, support group meeting in Towanda.)

So while I am sipping my breakfast, the IPOD is charging, the Nook Color should be all charged since I put it on the charger last night. I have my purse packed up, with a protein bar if my blood sugar drops. Morning meds are taken, and now its off to get a shower (no make up today my face is still breaking out from some old foundation that I used and didn’t realize it went bad, as it didn’t smell, look or feel bad.) I’ll update later, after I get home….

One of the things I’ve heard over and over again during this process is to push your protein. I’ve been doing well on that, however my weight has ceased and suddenly I’m stuck in a 5lb pound back and forth of my last weigh in. I’m not sure if the scale is broken because I feel like I’ve lost a few pounds since then, however, I’m not taking any chances. So today I am eating solid foods and upping my water intake, and tomorrow I’m going to start my day with a whey protein shot in Acai Berry flavor (-.-) and do nothing but water, and shakes until I get over this plateau. This pictures is a chocolate peanut butter whey protein bar I got from wal-mart and it was really good. Chewy, sweet and totally satisfying. I can’t wait to try to caramel nut box I bought. But that is going to wait until waaay later. I ate the bar on my way home making sure I chewed the right amount of times, and now I’m FULL. *sigh*

This past month as been a blur of emotions for me. From worrying about gastric bypass green lights, to family drama (or lack there of. Call me paranoid but when all is calm during the holidays with out the traditional family fight- I get worried.) To stressing about school work, health related issues etc. I just haven’t been able to catch my breath. And for about a month now I can’t sleep worth a darn. Of course my life is so boring with out a man, kids, or a strict schedule that I really don’t stress about it all that much. Except for today. You see I have to keep tabs on the bipolar aspect of my health, and when I can’t sleep for shit every night for a month, its time for me to call me doctor to get put on something to help me sleep, or at least get some Benadryl which is guarantee knock out drug of choice for me. I wouldn’t worry about it if it were just sleep alone, but its also the fact that I’m irritable, over the stupidest things. So my readers, I believe that I am having a mild manic episode. Thankfully as part of the green light from the pdoc I have to make an appointment and keep an appointment with my local mental health facilities. My counselor is wonderful and very encouraging, and I think I’m going to be having a long talk with her about this Wednesday.

One some better news- My sister and her boyfriend should be coming up to visit me soon. I can’t wait. I love/hate being here alone day after day. Its more like I love it because its drama free and I don’t have to deal with people’s gossipy shit, but I hate it because I live so far away from my family. Mom wants me to move down to the Tower’s where she’s at, and I’m just not all that comfortable with it. I like living here for the most part. For the first time in a long time, I have friends that I can go out with that understand my ‘I’m not going to drink, but I’m certainly willing to dance like I’m drunk and be DD to make you guys feel better.’ and they understand me. And more over the care about me as me and not me trying to hard to please people. Also I’ve been able to really grow as a female and really value the empowerment that I’ve tripled since being here.

Did I mention that my Birthday is this month? Yeah… I don’t wanna talk about it. Don’t tell anyone but I’m going to be *gulp* 27. I’m having a huge problem with this. Not because its old or anything like that. But because I kind of had a to do list of things I’d wanted to do before I turned 30. And only like two of those things are going to be done. The first is getting the gastric bypass and loosing the weight, and second is graduating from college. Thanks to Full Sail I’ll be able to do that.  That and birthday’s =cake and ice cream and blargh. However Pillsbury now has sugar free cake mixes and frostings that are pretty stinking good.

I did learn that Special K protein shakes are amazingly good, but also very high in sugar. Sugar is baaad. I’m also starting hopefully tomorrow (I’m taking a bus to Wal-mart.) I am going to get the Whey protein shakes that are very low in sugar and some protein shots. (They have grape, watermelon, and strawberry… Strawberry wins for me.) and I’m going to go on a week long liquid fast to try to up my weight loss and get over this plateau I’m having.  I’m also doubling my work outs to three times a week to 30 min daily, rotating between just dance 3 and doing the treadmill, and upping my water in take from 63oz to 126 oz. I haven’t had soda in a long time, but I have gone out to dinner, and starting tomorrow-er-today I am going to be on a 90 day no fast food challenge. With that I’m also doing a 90 day no caffeine/soda challenge. Ok so since I can’t sleep, and the dog is snoring beside me on the floor, I decided to take it on step further on the 90 day challenges and create a new 101 in 1001 list. You can find it under the Day Zero tab. Wish me luck!

I’ve recently purchased an xbox 360 and one thing I want to get, ok two things. Is a pink and a purple controller. However finding one could be a little harder than I orginally thought. Well that is one that’s in my price range. Modzlab.com has modded controllers Xbox 360, however they are rather pricey. $199 for a controller? No thanks. That’s almost as much as the kinect system by itself. That and the website keeps crashing on me. Oh well, its not like I can afford something like a hydro-dipped graphic controller anyway. If I want a modded controller I should save up and one that I really like.